Worst Movies Ever

[kopper]

What movies were so bad (not bad in a "good bad" sorta way) that you couldn't even finish watching them? This has only happened to me a few times. Usually (probably because of my love of trashy '50s & '60s b-movies) I've learned to stomach most anything, but once in a while I'll start watching a movie that is just so cheesy, so ridiculous, or so BAD that even I have to turn it off and watch something else. I also like to call these "GTFO" movies... or movies that you'll keep around and put in when you want unwanted house guests to "Get The Fuck Out."

I'll start:

Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man
Gone in 60 Seconds & Gone in 60 Seconds 2 (no, I did NOT attempt to watch the sequel)

There's another one that I had to walk away from but I can't remember the name. I think it may have been French, or foreign of some kind. A period piece that was set in the early 20th century... very arty with lots of dancing and costumes. It was just way too over the top for me. Anyone know what I'm talking about? It came out several years ago, maybe early 2000s.

Anyway, what are your picks for worst movies ever?

[John Battles]

BTW , I love "Eat The Rich" , but , that's all right. The 80's were a great time for Black Comedies - "Parents" , "Eating Raoul" , and the vastly underrated " Neighbors".

But , none of those are BAD.

[byronne]

Pretty much a tie between Anthony Newley's "Can Heironymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?" and Nic (sic) Cage in "Zandalee". Not that they're bereft of their own special charm, but I could live happily without ever seeing them again. Actually, I might consider sponsoring "Zandalee" next year at Chicago's legendary B-Fest, since the response to Ted V. Mikel's "Astro Zombies" was so memorable... That might have had something to do with Tura Satana's passing last year tho'.

[RJFait]

Kopper, I agree that Harley Davidson and Gone in Sixty were bad, but worst movie bad? I never saw the Gone sequel, but could it have been nearly as bad as any of the Fast and Furious flicks? Or either of those pieces of crap called Crank and Crank 2? I can sit through just about anything (I'm married, I sit through a LOT of shit) but those bad action movies that think the action is so damned good that any retarded story will carry it. Lynch films I like.

[John Battles]

Thiking of "Inframan" and "Mighty Peking Man" got me to thinking about " A*P*E* " (South Korean , 1975?). THAT is one of thee worst , ever. The usual story about a giant ape (A guy in a gorilla suit that looks even worse than the ones in "King Kong Escapes" or "King Kong Vs. Godzilla" ) , discovered in the jungle , brought to civilization , then wreaking havoc when his dumb ass realizes he's being exploited.  The effects rank down there with the very worst (In other words , you've GOT to see it !!). The giant shark tagged on at the beginning (In wake of the "Jaws" craze.) , is , of course an immobile rubber copy. The "Giant Snake" is actually a real Boa Constrictor (I think) , that just wraps itself around the monster ape's  arm , then jumps off. Some fight. The fight in the '76 "Kong" was even more convincing. The scene with the shark is at the beginning , I gather , because , after that , the whole movie jumps the shark. At one point , realizing the picture was tanking , the actor in the ape costume actually gives the phony copters "The Bird"! It's true.

[byronne]

"Mighty Peking Man" - oh dear. Now I'm going to need to track down "A*P*E*", aren't I?

[Rami LTX]

i tyrens tegn(1974)

[John Battles]

byronne said:

"Mighty Peking Man" - oh dear. Now I'm going to need to track down "A*P*E*", aren't I?

Yes , you are. Its putrid ! Highly recommended.   * * * *

I first saw it as a double feature , at this really sleazy theatre in Ft. Worth (The New Isis , if any of you  ever had the pleasure. ALL - EXPLOITATION DOUBLE FEATURES , ALL THE TIME.), WITH "Schlock" (aka "Banana Monster" ) , John Landis' first movie , a hilarious parody of the "Revived prehistoric apeman goes on a killing spree"genre. There are moments John Waters might have envied.

[John Battles]

A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD PROBABLY SAY "THEY SAVED HITLER'S BRAIN"....THE VERSION THEY USED TO SHOW ON TELEVISION OR ON VHS WAS UNWATCHABLE , BECAUSE IT WAS FILMED , USING FOOTAGE INCOMPREHENSIBLY SPLICED TOGETHER , THAT HAPPENED TO HAVE BEEN SHOT 5 YEARS APART. THEN , I SAW A DIFFERENT VERSION , THAT WAS SOLD TO TELEVISION , PRESUMABLY IN THE LATE 60'S OR EARLY 70'S , IN ONE OF THOSE "GRINDHOUSE" CHEAPIE BOX SETS. IT ACTUALLY MADE SENSE....AND , HITLER'S BRAIN (WELL , HIS HEAD , AND HIS DRUGGED OUT BODY.) MAKES A MUCH BIGGER APPEARANCE.

ANYBODY EVER SEE "THE GIRL IN THE KREMLIN" , ABOUT A PLOT TO RESURRECT STALIN'S BRAIN? OF COURSE , IN BOTH CASES ,THERE WAS NOTHING TO SAVE.

[John Battles]

"Santa Claus Conquers The Martians" Ranks high for that honor. People think all kids have ADD , today , well , this movie was not made for people whose attention span (Or overall patience ) can handle a challenge. Mind you , I've seen it MANY times , but , sometimes , I can only get thru 10 minutes of it.   I doubt many young adults , today , sit their kids down to watch it , but , I'D LOVE TO BE PROVEN WRONG.

Anyone watch that show with LARRAINE NEWMAN , ca. 1986 , WHERE THEY'D show THEN - hard to find films likE "Plan 9 From Outer Space" , "ROBOT MONSTER" AND " Santa Claus Contra Los Marcianos ''? It was great.