GETTING INTO HEAVEN (1970)

D/W: Edward L. Montoro

More Something Weird stupidness with Uschi Digard who seduces a nerdy nervous cop, romps naked in fields and screws an old guy. "Heaven" in the title is her character's name. Get it?

THE NIGHT VISITOR (1971)

Max Von Sydow makes a daring escape from a mental institution (and then sneaks back in) in order to frame the people who framed him for a murder that landed him in there. He sneaks into a wimpy doctor's house…

I just saw this in a theater on the big screen in 2012 (!?) Three very Italian-looking tough hussies do a Dadaist theater piece. The butch Albina heckles them, throws tomatoes and starts a big prison brawl. There's lesbian shower scenes (as required by statute 43:3425 of the exploitation code) where modern audiences are treated to the sight of actual female pubic hair (now as extinct as the Tyrannosaurus Rex) The guards wear what look like Italian fascist-era tab collar black uniforms, yet…

This 45 minute documentary doesn't have a whole lot of new revelations and seems to have been quickly slapped together to cash in on the release of Gods and Monsters. There are interviews with Sarah Karloff and Dwight Frye's son. If you didn't know about the influence of German expressionism on the Frankenstein series or that Bela Lugosi was originally tapped to play the monster then this might have something for you. Apparently Mary Shelly's book was adapted into a few…

It's been called "the best movie Warren Beatty ever starred in." It's a very arty and well done almost surreal crime story about a drunk comedian from Detroit who wakes up and finds out he owes the mob an unspecified but really huge sum of money. He runs, becomes a hobo and ends up in Chicago. In a junkyard he sees some bums beating up a guy and snatches his social security card. He seemingly gets chased by crushed cars and machinery as a cop narrates about how you can dispose of a body. He…

The great John Cusack as Edgar Allen Poe and the plot straight outta Theater of Blood! This doesn't have a whole lot to do with the poem. It's about a serial killer recreating Poe's own stories--"Murders in the Rue Morgue", "The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar", "Masque of the Red Death" etc.

The Baltimore Police pull him in on the investigation and, like From Hell there's a lot of 19th century forensics and more than a few iffy but cool leaps of logic.  The killer…

As weird as you'd expect--cartoons from the guy who brought us The Beast, Immoral Tales, and Dr. Jeckyll and Miss Osbourne. Some of you out there might be old enough to remember the International Animation Festival with Jean Marsh on PBS. This stuff might have showed up on there in the '70's. The first one, "Le Concert de M et Mme. Kabal" is like a Monty Python cartoon as drawn by Edward Gorey. A big-titted woman tries to play the piano, lot of weird stuff happens, and a…

No great shakes low budgeter about a guy (Kevin Corrigan) who works at a humiliating loser job at an ice cream parlor (they make him dress up like an ice cream cone) and has horrifying flashbacks of being tortured by arsehole jocks from high school in abandoned building. He's a also a (very believable) comic book artist who draws obscenely violent pictures of people getting axed in the head and decapitated. He lives with his burned out mean mom (Karen Black) who smokes constantly and shaggs…

It's a true achievement of director Don Edmunds that he make a movie so chock full of nudity and wierdness and STILL make it so mind-numbingly dull. An OK looking farm girl boffs a motorcycle guy in a barn, then masturbates while an evangelist is preaching on the radio, showing her full 70's bush, which is something you don't see anymore. But kids, there is fossil evidence that female pubic hair DID exist in a past bygone era. She escapes her drunken, Bible-spewing abusive father and heads…

This had been a holy grail of mine for years. You see, in the 70's a lot of films were just plain hard to see and so you heard things and it ricocheted about in your imagination for months, sometimes years building your visions and expectations up. I think it was on Sneak Previews that I first heard about this. Siskell and Ebert slammed it saying it didn't make a lot of sense, was boring and had this part where Jill Clayburgh makes love to her 18 year old son. WHAT!!!!!

What…

Great tense humorous action flick...in space! In the near future a cynical, wisecracking tough guy Snow (Guy Pearce) is after the proverbial Mcuffin in an aluminum briefcase. After a spectacular chase scene with a little parkour, helicopters crashing on an urban highway and finally ditching the McGuffin with his mysterious buddy Mace, they take him in and sentence him to 30 years at a prison on an orbiting space station where inmates are placed in suspended animation for their sentence. Hey,…

I think I may have sat through at max 5 minutes of the TV show before I got so bored I switched it off. A lot of critics have slammed this one, but it's got great use of music (though I don't see how the 15 year old daughter Carolyn could have been listening to Iggy and the Stooges' "Sick of You " in 1972 when it didn't come out until 1977), irreverent humor, and some smokin' hot babes. (Michelle Pfeiffer STILL looks sexy at 54.)

I would have liked to have seen more the idea of…

WARNING: In case you actually give a fug, this review contains spoilers, not that it matters.

The review of the original in the Psychotronic Encyclopedia of Film goes like this: "Better than 2001." If I were to make a one-sentence entry on this remake my first impulse would be "More soporific than They Saved Hitler's Brain. Like the remake of Planet of the Apes they squandered the opportunity to make a version really faithful to the book--but that…

THE "FEEL BAD" MOVIE OF THE YEAR! Grim depressing tale of modern day hillbillies in Missouri who have been cooking meth for years and its aftermath. It's has a gritty documentary-like feel with almost no background music. Jennifer (Hunger Games) 

Lawrence lives with her catatonic mother and takes care of her 2 younger siblings. Her father was a meth cooker who had been arrested and skipped bond, so the family house is about to be repossessed unless she can prove that her father…

ON Christmas eve bunch of horny rowdy chavs at a DJ club try to get laid, one of them (Bart) gets samshed in the face with a bottle after being rebuffed by a girl he's hitting on. They get into a tiny car, rob a convenience store of candy and gas (while watching a Santa Claus slasher flick) and take off for the country. They wake up with the car blocked on a dirt road by some goats, one of which is big and black and looks like it stepped off the set of a 70's devil worship film. They meet up…

The real reason to see this jungle exotica classic is Claudette Colbert's transformation from  a prim and proper geography teacher in glasses to a sexy a jungle girl in a leopard print bikini(!?) (the timid teacher attempts to dry out some guy's shoes by a fire and ends up burning them up. He get's pissed but she was just trying to help, so she runs off into the jungle mad and in tears...and then starts to get some backbone after standing up to snakes and…

 Why remake Herschell Gordon Lewis' inspired reality-bending inept masterpiece? Because with a little bit more of a budget and the influence of Videodrome and Philip K. Dick (and maybe William Burroughs) they actually made a movie that makes its own kind of sense and actually hangs together a lot better than most recent outings. It would sound totally crappy if I described the plot, but somehow they got it right.

A trust fund cat who runs an underground newspaper and looks like…

Although positive reviews abound now on the internet, when it came out I can't remember anyone having anything good to say about this goofy fantasy-comedy about a cadre of superheroes who may or may not have actual superpowers. In a Blade-Runner inspired city the Red Eye gang (led by Artie Lange) break into a party at an old folks home (where Tom Waits is trying to pick up women). The Shoveler (WIlliam H. Macy), Mr. Furious (Ben Stiller) and The Blue Raja (Hank Azaria) bungle their attempt…

I don't recall reading about this in any of the reference books. 

In the future year 2000 the USA sends a space probe "beyond earth's universe." to a planet where they land underwater and encounter an incredibly cheezy-looking monster with really long fangs and a thick mohawk. Very talky and claustrophobic through most of it. Do not view before 2:AM. With Francine (Curse of the Swamp Creature) York. 

Most of the running time of this disappointing documentary is filled up with rednecks in camo out in the woods telling stories. Now nobody is more of a believer in the existence of bigfoot than I, but I find it a little disconcerting that in this day and age when everyone is carrying a cell phone with a video camera on them, that the ONLY decent film of a sasquatch EVER was taken 45 years ago. Anyway, a bunch of fat guys in beards drive around the country (mostly OUTSIDE the pacific…

KID MONK BARONI (1952)

Nimoy said in an interview that this film sank at the box office because of the advent of television. Paul "Monk" Baroni is the leader of J.D. gang who gets caught by a kindly, but tough parish priest sawing up a stair railing for firewood. He invites them to train at the church basement athletic club, where he gets in the ring with Baroni and teaches him the left jab. "I can't hit a fadder!" There's not even a whiff of the rich deep Nimoy voice in this…